I would suspect it's the same for gay men as it is for straight men or straight women or lesbians. How many give up? From personal experience, I know that chemistry is immediate and unconscious. We like each other and we're friends, but that's not enough to build a relationship out of. You tell your friends you're looking, sign up on Match. One can put so many requirements on the process that they will never meet anyone and often they blame the community rather than the unrealistic list of requirements. I've also made friends on facebook.
I know that other gay guys are different, and that's fine.
I was really new to the gay dating after resigning and the divorce. The duplicitousness that you described saddens me. But it would sure be nice if society made it easier for us to meet, if the probabilities weren't arrayed so drastically against us. I have also meet men trough friends and dated for a long time before we had sex.
Try online dating, but be wary.